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October 13, 2013






Life. Some say life with, or life without…

Either Way you choose, rest assured that it is indeed Your Choice to do with Or without.

Life when I was growing up was good. Being a natural red head gives me a specialty that only another red knows. ‘Rather be dead than red on the head.’ ‘Freckle-faced strawberry.’ But on the other hand I heard, ‘what did you do eat a ten dollar bill and break out in pennies?’ and receive a fifty cent piece. And all of us red heads with freckles, know that the freckles are really Angel kisses.

It has it’s drawbacks tho’, in my early teens it’s ‘the tall dark and handsome’ that gets the girl friend. Me? Best friend; brotherly love, happy-go-lucky. Even when I got molested by an old nurses aid, and the hell it put me through, I’d still say that life was good. The day is fine and seeing a smile on others is a good feeling. I learned to be sociable in my conversations. I also learned to have a complex.

One doesn’t think about their life much while growing up; most things were taken for granted. School, playing sports, exploring a jungle paradise, trying new foods. A home, mom and dad, brothers and sisters, friends and relatives. We all have them, we all experience them.

Yet as we live we choose to do a lot of things without much thought for them other than the excitement of something new, strange, or sexy. Of course looking at those old playing cards of my dad’s that had pictures of buxom ladies had interest too. I was in the second grade. The curiosity of sex was just that Curious not lustful. As I got older when I did take an interest in girls, I was already afraid of rejection and naïve. And yet I was still innocent at the time I got molested.

My mom was very proper, my dad was a Lech. I’m not sure who’s idea it was to take us to church; but once, I got sick having to stand up for so long at the church. I barfed in the bushes when I got outside, I got spanked for it. And tho’ my dad cheated on my mom he stayed with her till death did they part. I’m thinking it was mom who was the religious one.

I was industrious as a young boy. With a T.V. Guide route, a paper route, I sold seeds, greeting cards, and Grit door to door. I mowed lawns, and held marble carnivals. My brother and I were marbles champions when we were living in Puerto Rico.

For most, I believe, 14 years of age is still young but pretty well set up in life as to what their future will be like. I’m talking Roots. It’s been said ‘that a child learns about 80% of all its going to learn by the time it’s three years old. So for most fourteen year olds, how they will settle down is fairly certain to be rooted. But for me, it wasn’t.

I was an Air Force brat and lived in more places and experienced meeting more people, more friends and more heartbreak. By the time I was 16 I had lived in California, New Mexico, Puerto Rico, Washington State, Florida, Iowa, and Texas.

I had no roots except in the ability to make new friends, lose friends, never a girl friend, to much fear of being rejected, ridiculed as a red headed freckle-faced strawberry, too much fear of liking someone as more than, ‘just a friend.’ Not even knowing what to say to get a girl-friend.

I played Sports some. I played minor league baseball, and in the 9th grade I joined the swimming, track, football, and basketball teams. Only, Because I missed footballs summer practice, having just moved and joined school a day late, I was put on the 7th string and only played in one game. The only one we won. (smile) And as life would have it, I broke my arm a couple days later and didn’t make the basketball team except as a bag-boy, at the coaches urging.

But when I broke my arm in a compound fracture needing surgery and a four day stay in the hospital; it was there where, when I woke up from the anesthesia to the utter fear of being molested by an old nurse.


I’m 59 Now and know that, because of that molesting, I lived a life of prison after prison, state hospital after state hospital. I made a life time of choices to be an exhibitionist. I didn’t ask for it but after that hospital stay I was given that problem to deal with. I didn’t know how but I was as stubborn as my dad, who when I gave him some fun blocks to reassemble: studied, contemplated and persevered even to making 3-D drawings of each block and the colors of all six sides of five blocks, until he succeeded in reassembling. I believed in Jesus and according to the church, I ‘Didn’t become a catholic. (humorous sarcasmJ ) I say I’m a Christian.

But remember, I’m in my youth…I may say I believe in Jesus but what do I know? I know manners, I know stubbornness, I know good from bad. My hero’s were superman, flash, Or T.V hero’s. Rin tin tin, The Lone Ranger, The wild wild west, I was sociable but tainted, as ‘Twain would say.

I had no one outside of a prison Dr. or a state hospital social worker, or psych. Tech., or Psych. Dr. to talk to about my mixed up life. I would enjoy helping someone. I would fight in defense of others. I wasn’t emotion-able but felt deeply about life. I believed in Jesus and have had miracles happen to me. I would change a woman’s tire just as easily would I open a door for her, but talk to?? I wouldn’t know how. Anyway I was too afraid to try. And in the world of confusion I grew up in, I was a likely candidate for having a traumatic experience jolt me into becoming someone I hated.

I look back now and I can see how all of my life co-exists with-in all of my memories; And the choices that I made, how they tied together yet struggled for direction. I would pray to my Father God and his Son Jesus to help me understand and be set free from this burden of sin. I’d know it was from the time I was molested; all of my life before then was innocent, naive, inexperienced. Everything after full of pain and suffering and confusion. My fear to progress to schizophrenia, border-line institutionalism, depression, self-loathing and chronic exhibitionism.

Of memorable interest are times that stand clear in memory. All of those experiences that show that character even tho’ ’tainted’ can still come through. The miracles that happened in my life to keep me believing in Jesus, even tho’ my faith was blind.

I heard it a lot, ‘you don’t act like someone who’s been in prison.’ especially in my last term. But it was in my last term in prison that I was able to make sense of it all, the Bible finely made sense and I found my freedom in Christ Jesus. Thus in prophesy was I given my understanding.

No I did not find Jesus and get saved and live happily ever after. Well maybe happy ever after. (smile)

In 1979, I was 25 yrs old and doing time in my last State Hospital. My fifth…. Patton State hosp. (twice), Metropolitan State hosp. (once), Camarillo State hosp. (once), and Big Springs State hosp. But it was in that last time that I experienced being born-again.

That was 6 yrs. After my first prison term in Texas. Yet after 1979, about 6 months later, I received the gift of prophesy. From 1980 on I was to start learning the ‘Hidden Wisdom’ of the ‘Way’ taught by Jesus and his Apostles and Paul. And with insightful ‘remembrances’ of the Truth in Jesus given by the Holy Spirit.

In 2006, while doing the last days of my last prison term, (my eighth), the message of prophesy was finished with the acknowledgement of the ‘Way’ of Jesus, which was now known to me. And I was able to put off the final clutches of the burden given to me those many years ago.

So you see it’s all a matter of choices. And Time to work with what we are given to work with, whether they be morals, manners, misunderstood beliefs, roots or no roots. Jesus or no Jesus.

Knowing all of this, I am saddened by all of the misery in the lives of others, and wish they knew Jesus in a personal relationship. I can’t imagine what hell would have been like if I had not believed in Jesus long enough to learn to Really Believe in him.

But I’ve seen it! I saw the hate of satan first-hand. I experienced his confusion and pain. Without Jesus we really are: ’The walking dead.’

Now, in today’s life, I notice that a lot of younger people don’t believe in Jesus. Maybe you are one of them and are reading this because you are curious. Or maybe you are a believer still trying to find a reason to believe, and are hoping that I can help you with finding faith in truth.

Whatever your reason for reading this I can only guess. I don’t know where you stand in the journey we call life. But I do know this: there is a way! It’s not your way, but it’s Jesus’ Way.

You can read of it here: ‘The Way’

To see how God helps read this: ‘Spiritual Strength’

And this: ‘Understanding is in the heart’

And for other choices for reading:

It is hoped that you who are knowing that you need some love in your life, will make the earnest effort to find the Truth in Jesus and the Love of God. The teaching is easy. It’s repentance in every thought, will and emotion we have, to find the very thought, will and emotion we can have in God himself through Jesus. What a great feeling it is. It has feeling and it has knowledge. And you can never lose it as it is the very spirit of God that has been given to you when you were born-again, and Jesus says that not one that has been given to him has been lost; and if you haven’t been born-again yet, believe me you will know it if it happens to you. Don’t worry, just follow the teaching of the Way, continue in the reading of the New Testament, and you will find God’s love at the moment he gives it to you for your finding the truth of why you sin. Make the effort!

Brothers and Sisters, we are in Christ, but if you refuse to repent to knowing the Love and Truth of God, then I can only say, Jesus is real. He and God the Father are one, and they both Love you without any blame.

If you don’t believe this and don’t think you need to repent to know God’s Love or his Truth, then, listen close…

The time is here when this teaching of the ‘Way’ is now revealed so that we can turn away from the way of satan, giving in to every desire of worry, riches and/or pleasure with a lust for more. Feeling no shame for our morbid shame. Embracing the worries, riches and or pleasures, this life has to offer. And all of its harm experienced. May God have mercy on us all…both victims and perps.

And soon, very soon- we will begin to enter into the times of tribulation; a time that lasts about 37 months and kills 13 times the population of America, world-wide. In famine, floods, earthquakes, disease, and murder. A time so terrible that none would survive if God didn’t shorten the days.

If you find yourself then, wishing things were how they are now, when only hardship and death is certain; I hope you remember Jesus and ask him to help you.


In Him,


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